Osama no Health, Gotanda: The URL Says Ueno, the Fee Table Says Ueno Costs ¥6,600, and the New-Customer Coupon Is Just Your Fees Handed Back

ElonI found this shop at a CityHeaven address ending in kings-healthueno, which is how I learned that a URL will lie to you as fast as a person will. The listing header says Shinagawa. The catch copy opens with 五反田発 — departing Gotanda. The official site lives at a path ending in /king/gotanda/. Every Tokyo sister shop in the group is a Gotanda shop. And Ueno — Taito ward, the word sitting in the web address — is in the ¥6,600 band, the most expensive ring on the transport map. The shop's own URL names the worst possible place to be standing when you call it. That was the first thirty seconds. Then I started subtracting numbers, and the board turned out to be built out of a single brick: ¥1,100. Not one figure on the entire page breaks the pattern — not a course, not an option, not a fee, not a ward, not a discount. Twelve course prices, eight options, six transport bands, three fees, two coupons. All of them whole multiples of eleven hundred yen. Somebody here works in ¥1,000 pre-tax units and lets the ten percent do the rest.

Three place names, one shop

Let's get the geography sorted, because it's the only thing on this page that's genuinely confusing and it costs real money to get wrong.

王様のヘルス-人妻のおもてなし — Osama no Health – Hitozuma no Omotenashi, "The King's Health – A Married Woman's Hospitality" — is a deriheru (delivery health) filed on CityHeaven under the 人妻 / 品川 heading. Married women, Shinagawa.

But the shop's own catch copy leads with 五反田発: dispatching from Gotanda. The official site is https://rocca.love/king/gotanda/. The transport table's free zone is 五反田 — Gotanda — with the rest of Shinagawa ward starting at ¥1,100. Every Tokyo sister shop listed at the bottom of the page (えちちSPA, Salon du M, キミの乳首が好き!!) is a 五反田店. The operational centre of gravity is Gotanda and it isn't close.

And the CityHeaven directory path? .../A1315/A131503/kings-healthueno/. Ueno. A directory slug is the oldest thing about a listing — it's the handle the shop got on day one and almost never changes, no matter where the business moves or what it renames itself. Treat it as an archaeological layer, not an address. I can't tell you the history behind it and I'm not going to invent one. What I can tell you is what the shop's current price list thinks of Ueno, and the answer is unkind: Taito ward sits in the ¥6,600 transport band, the top rung on a six-rung ladder.

Then there's a third layer of confusion, and this one is on the shop rather than the URL. The listing's dispatch field reads:

派遣エリア：東京都品川（品川区）

One ward. But the transport table prices sixteen wards. And the FAQ at the bottom of the page answers "which areas can you dispatch to?" with 都内23区～ — the 23 wards and beyond. So the page states its own coverage three different ways: one ward in the header, sixteen in the fee table, twenty-three-plus in the FAQ. The seven wards that appear nowhere in the fee table — Arakawa, Kita, Itabashi, Nerima, Adachi, Katsushika, Edogawa, all of them north or northeast — fall into the line at the bottom that reads 出張エリア外 ※応相談, outside the dispatch zone, ask us. If you live in that northern arc, the FAQ is writing cheques the fee table hasn't priced. Call before you plan your evening around it.

The shop, plainly

Here is everything the page actually states, with nothing rounded and nothing added:

Two ways to use it, per the shop's own numbering. 【遊び方1】待ち合わせ — you meet in front of a hotel the shop designates. 【遊び方2】ホテル・自宅出張 — she comes to the hotel you're already staying in, or to your home.

Those two routes have different floors, and the page is explicit about it in two lines of fine print under the price table:

※デリバリーは75分コース以上からのご案内となります。 ※ご自宅へのご派遣の場合は90分コース以上からのご案内となります。

Delivery starts at 75 minutes. Home dispatch starts at 90. Which means the 60-minute course printed at the top of the board is only reachable via the meet-at-the-hotel route. Hold that thought, because the 60-minute course has other problems.

The photo diary is live — entries on 9/7, 9/8, 9/10 and 9/11, the most recent one from midday yesterday. The manager's-pick row carries ten names. I'm not going to quote a roster size, because the number CityHeaven shows in that region of the page belongs to the whole group rather than this shop, and a group headcount dressed up as a local one is exactly the kind of thing I refuse to hand you.

The brick

Before any of the analysis, the structural fact that makes this board readable.

Every single number on this page is a whole multiple of ¥1,100.

The courses, in bricks: 14, 16, 20, 28, 36, 44, 52, 60, 68, 76, 84, 92. The options: 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 3, 4. The fees: 1, 2, and a 1-to-5 range. The transport bands: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 — a perfect arithmetic sequence, no gaps, no skips. The discounts: 2 and 3.

¥1,100 is ¥1,000 plus ten percent consumption tax. So this entire price list was designed in round thousand-yen units and then printed tax-inclusive. That sounds like trivia. It isn't — it's the reason every comparison in this article comes out to a clean number instead of a decimal, and it's why the coupon lands exactly where it does. When a shop builds in ¥1,000 bricks, the coupons get built out of bricks too, and they stack against the fees in ways the marketing copy doesn't advertise.

The ladder, and the slope that never bends

Here is the published course board, verbatim:

Now subtract each row from the one above it. Six hours of course lengths, and from 90 minutes onward the answer never changes:

¥8,800. ¥8,800. ¥8,800. ¥8,800. ¥8,800. ¥8,800. ¥8,800. ¥8,800. ¥8,800.

Nine consecutive half-hour steps, all ¥8,800. Eight bricks a step, every step, from ninety minutes to six hours. The formula is ¥22,000 + ¥8,800 × (minutes − 90) ÷ 30, and it reproduces all nine of those prices without a single yen of error. The marginal minute above 90 costs ¥293 and change, forever.

Here's why that matters. This board has no volume discount. None. Not a small one — a negative one.

Look at the average price per minute as you walk up:

That column goes up. After the 75-minute floor it climbs at every rung and never turns around, creeping toward the ¥293.33 marginal rate from below and never getting there. In most of Tokyo the long course is where the bulk rate lives; it's the whole reason to book one. Here the long course is the worst per-minute price in the building, and the six-hour session is the single worst deal on the page.

Which produces the finding I did not expect from a board this tidy:

Two separate 90-minute visits cost less than one 180-minute visit — even after paying the designation fee twice.

Run it. A returning customer, designating, at Gotanda. One 180-minute session: ¥48,400 + ¥2,200 = ¥50,600. Two 90-minute sessions on two different days: (¥22,000 + ¥2,200) × 2 = ¥48,400. Splitting saves ¥2,200 and you've nominated twice.

With the free-select discount I'll get to in a minute, the gap turns into a canyon: two 90s at ¥19,800 each is ¥39,600 against ¥48,400 for the single 180, an ¥8,800 saving. Same total minutes, same shop.

The one thing that reverses it is the transport fee, because splitting means paying it twice. In the free Gotanda zone, splitting always wins. In the ¥1,100 Shinagawa band you pay ¥1,100 extra to save ¥2,200 — still wins. By the time you're out in the ¥6,600 ring, the second car fare eats the saving whole and the single long session is the cheaper night. Where you are standing determines whether it's cheaper to book twice. I have taken apart a lot of these boards and I've never seen that dependency come out so cleanly.

The 60-minute course is a trap, and the shop half-admits it

Look at the first two rungs. Sixty minutes is ¥15,400. Seventy-five is ¥17,600. That's ¥2,200 for fifteen extra minutes — ¥146.67 a minute, exactly half the ¥293.33 rate every other minute on this board costs.

Then 75 to 90 is ¥4,400 for fifteen minutes — bang on the standard rate.

So the very first step up the ladder is sold at half price and every step after it is sold at full price. The consequence is that the 60-minute course is strictly beaten by the 75: you pay ¥256.7 a minute for the short one and ¥234.7 for the longer one. More money per minute for less time. The cheapest minutes in the house are on the 75.

And the shop, to its credit, doesn't pretend otherwise. Two lines of fine print say delivery starts at 75 and home dispatch at 90, which quietly walks most customers past the 60 before they can book it. The FAQ goes further and says it out loud:

初めての方におすすめのコースと料金を教えてください → 90分コース以上がオススメです！

Ninety minutes or more. I check that recommendation against the arithmetic in every one of these teardowns and it is usually marketing. Here it is correct — and I'll show you exactly why in the next section, because once the coupon is applied the 90 becomes the cheapest all-in minute a new customer can buy. The shop is recommending the right thing for reasons it doesn't bother explaining. The 「以上」 — or more — is the part that stops being true immediately, since every rung above 90 is worse per minute than the one below it.

Two new-customer deals, and the advertised one is the worse one

This shop runs two separate offers at first-time customers, and they are not the same size.

Offer one — the web-booking-only new customer course, printed directly under the main board:

A flat ¥2,200 at all five lengths. Flat, not proportional — which means it's worth 12.5% on the 75 and 4.5% on the 180. Worth noting on its own: the new-customer 75-minute price of ¥15,400 is exactly the standard 60-minute price. Fifteen free minutes for first-timers, if you can spot it.

Offer two — the new-customer coupon, sitting on the coupon tab where a lot of people never look:

ご新規様限定！最大3300円OFF♡ — 13% OFF!! — ¥25,300 → ¥22,000 90分コース以上のご利用で3300円OFF！75分以下の場合は、2200円OFFになります。 ※特別指名料、交通費が発生する場合は別途頂戴致します。※併用不可 Valid 2026/09/12 onward, 無期限 — no expiry.

Same customer, same first visit, and the two offers are not worth the same. The coupon pays ¥3,300 at 90 minutes and up; the web course pays ¥2,200 at every length.

Both are marked 併用不可 — no stacking — so you pick one. Here is the pick, all-in, first visit, Gotanda, designating a woman:

The coupon is never worse and is ¥1,100 better at every length of 90 minutes or more. The offer printed in the biggest type, on the main price panel, attached to the shop's own booking funnel, is the one that costs you more.

One honest caveat and then I'll stop being nice about it: the page doesn't state whether the web-only course bundles the entry fee or the nomination fee into its price. I've assumed it doesn't, the same way the main board doesn't, because that's how the page is laid out and nothing suggests otherwise. If a desk staffer tells you the web course is all-inclusive, the comparison flips. That is a thirty-second phone call and it's worth ¥1,100, which at this shop's marginal rate is three and three-quarter minutes of your session.

What the coupon actually is

Now the finding that made me go back and re-add the column three times.

The other fees, as published: 入会金 ¥1,100 (entry), 指名料 ¥2,200 (designation), 特別指名料 ¥1,100–¥5,500 (special designation, on top).

¥1,100 + ¥2,200 = ¥3,300.

The new-customer coupon at 90 minutes and up is ¥3,300.

And at 75 minutes and below it drops to ¥2,200 — which is the designation fee, alone, exactly.

That isn't a coincidence you can shrug at. Check the coupon's own headline numbers: it advertises ¥25,300 → ¥22,000. The board says a 90-minute course costs ¥22,000, so where does ¥25,300 come from? ¥22,000 + ¥1,100 entry + ¥2,200 designation = ¥25,300. To the yen. The "before" price on that badge is not a course price at all — it's the complete first-visit bill in the free Gotanda zone with a woman of your choosing, and the discount is precisely the two fees sitting on top of it.

So whatever the shop calls it on the badge, here is the net effect, which is the only part that ends up on your bill:

With the new-customer coupon, your first visit costs the printed course price, plus ¥1,100 — and at 90 minutes or longer, the ¥1,100 disappears too.

Ninety minutes, first visit, Gotanda, her name chosen by you: ¥22,000 all-in, which is exactly the number printed next to 90分 on the board. Two hours: ¥30,800, the printed price. Three hours: ¥48,400, the printed price. The fees are simply not there.

The thirteen-percent badge, incidentally, is arithmetically honest: ¥3,300 off ¥25,300 is 13.04%. I spend a lot of these teardowns catching shops computing percentages against inflated baselines they never charge anyone. This one computed its percentage against a real, complete, achievable bill. Credit where it's earned.

It also means the badge understates the offer for anyone booking long. The coupon is ¥3,300 at every length from 90 minutes to six hours, but it's advertised against the 90-minute bill because that's where ¥3,300 looks biggest as a percentage. On the six-hour course, ¥3,300 off a ¥104,500 all-in bill is 3.2% — same money, one-quarter of the headline. Flat discounts always shrink as you climb. Book short and the discount is worth the most; book long and you're paying the worst per-minute rate on the board and diluting your only coupon.

Free select, and the real price of choosing

The second coupon is the interesting one for anybody planning to come back.

何度でも使える！フリー割 — 10% OFF!! — ¥22,000 → ¥19,800 女性のご指名をお任せいただくだけで、コース料金から2,200円サービス！ご新規様でも、会員様でも何度でもお使いいただけます♪ 必ずお電話にて「フリー割希望」と申してください。※併用不可／90分コース以上対象になります。 ※入会金、特別指名料、交通費が発生する場合は別途頂戴致します。 Valid 2026/09/12–2026/09/13 as published.

Hand the choice of woman to the desk, get ¥2,200 off the course. New or returning, unlimited uses, 90 minutes and up, phone only — you have to say the words 「フリー割希望」 out loud. Note what's missing from its list of extras: 指名料 isn't there, because by definition you aren't designating.

And note the dates. The reusability copy says as many times as you like, but the published validity window on the coupon as I read it is two days, this Saturday and Sunday. Those two claims are in obvious tension and the likeliest explanation is a rolling window that gets re-stamped, but I'm telling you what the page said on the day I read it, not what I assume it'll say tomorrow. Check the dates before you build a plan on it.

Now put the two coupons side by side, because together they price something the board never prices directly: what it actually costs to choose your own companion.

The list answer is ¥2,200 — the designation fee. The list answer is wrong in both directions.

First visit, 90 minutes, Gotanda: - Choose her, new-customer coupon: ¥22,000 + ¥1,100 + ¥2,200 − ¥3,300 = ¥22,000 - Take pot luck, free select: ¥19,800 + ¥1,100 = ¥20,900 - Choosing costs ¥1,100.

Returning visit, 90 minutes, Gotanda: - Choose her: ¥22,000 + ¥2,200 = ¥24,200 - Take pot luck: ¥19,800 - Choosing costs ¥4,400.

Half the list price on your first visit, double it on every visit after. A four-fold swing in the price of the same decision, driven entirely by which coupon you're standing on. On a repeat visit you're paying the ¥2,200 fee and forfeiting the ¥2,200 you'd have saved by not paying it — the discount and the fee are the same brick pointing in opposite directions, so the true cost of a name is always twice what the fee says.

That, by the way, is where the cheapest minute in the entire building lives: 90 minutes, free select, returning customer, Gotanda — ¥19,800, or ¥220 a minute. Nothing else on this board gets under ¥234. And there's the trade in one line: the best price per minute is the one where you don't get to pick.

The map, in minutes

Transport, as published:

Six bands, ¥1,100 apart, no gaps. But the useful way to read a transport table is never in yen — it's in minutes of the session you're paying for. Divide each band by the ¥293.33 marginal rate and every rung comes out the same:

Each band costs exactly 3.75 minutes.

Gotanda: nothing. Shinagawa ward: 3.75 minutes. Minato or Meguro: 7.5. Shibuya or Ota: 11.25. Chiyoda or Chuo: 15. Shinjuku, Bunkyo, Setagaya, Odaiba: 18.75. And the outer ring — Suginami, Nakano, Toshima, Taito, Koto, Sumida: 22.5 minutes. Sending the car to Ueno costs you twenty-two and a half minutes of session, which is most of the way to the first rung of the entire ladder.

Two things in that table are worth stopping on.

Odaiba is carved out of its own ward. Minato ward is ¥2,200. But お台場（港区） — Odaiba, explicitly labelled as part of Minato — is listed separately at ¥5,500, ¥3,300 more than the ward it belongs to. That's a shop admitting in public that its fee tracks travel time, not administrative boundaries, because Odaiba is a bridge away and the bridge doesn't care which ward you file under. Most shops paper over that with a flat ward rate and eat the difference. This one prices the bridge at three bricks.

And the shop's own URL points at the top band. Taito ward — Ueno — is ¥6,600, joint most expensive on the map, 22.5 minutes of session, six bricks. The word in the web address is the most expensive word on the price list. If you found this shop the way I did, by reading a URL, the URL was actively misleading you about the one thing that costs money.

The option menu costs more than a session

Six at two bricks, one at three, one at four. No free options — some shops throw two or three in to pad the list, and this one doesn't pretend.

The pricing logic is legible once you convert: the flat ¥2,200 tier is wardrobe and watching — pantyhose, fishnets, panties, the voyeur option. The premium tier is hardware: the wand at ¥3,300, the vibrator at ¥4,400. Equipment costs more than clothing. Straightforward, and at least it's consistent.

Add the whole menu up and you get ¥20,900 — which is more than the 60-minute course (¥15,400), more than the 75 (¥17,600), and only ¥1,100 short of the 90. Seventy-one minutes of session time, in options. Nobody buys all eight, but the comparison is the honest way to size an option list: on this board, the extras menu is priced like a course.

The ceiling deserves the same treatment. 特別指名料 ¥1,100–¥5,500 sits on top of the ¥2,200 base designation, so the most a name can cost here is ¥7,700 — 26.25 minutes, seven bricks. The page doesn't say who commands the top of that range or why, which is normal and also the reason to ask on the phone rather than discover it at the door.

What the shop says it is

The copy is doing something more specific than the usual atmosphere-by-the-yard, so it's worth reading properly.

王様はなにもしなくてもいい、、、　好きな時、好きなように自分を解放するだけ、、、

The King doesn't have to do anything. Just release yourself, when you want, how you want. That's the brand, and the shop name — Osama no Health, the King's Health — is the same joke told twice.

The concept text is aimed at a very particular register of fantasy, and it's not the glossy one:

職場で見かける落ち着いた雰囲気の既婚女性、子どもの送り迎えで見かける、どこか余裕を感じさせる奥様、マンションのエレベーターで一緒になる、品のある奥様

The composed married colleague at work. The unhurried wife you see on the school run. The well-mannered woman you share the apartment lift with. The copy's own word for it is 身近な人妻 — the married woman close at hand — and it goes out of its way to say these are women who are 特別ではないはずなのに、なぜか印象に残る: nothing special, supposedly, and yet they stay with you. The whole pitch is aimed away from the spectacular and at the recognisable. Whether that lands is entirely a question of what you're looking for, but it is a coherent thing to be selling and the page never wobbles off it.

And then there's the single most informative sentence on the page, buried in the FAQ where nobody reads it:

当店のプレイ内容は受け身に徹して頂きまして、気持ち良くなって頂いたら逆にお客様が攻めに徹して頂けるプレイ内容になります。

You commit to receiving. Then, once you're there, you switch and commit to acting. That's a two-act structure, stated plainly, and it explains the King framing better than any of the poetry above it. The "do nothing" is the first half, not the whole hour. If you were reading the catch copy and picturing a purely passive session, the FAQ is quietly telling you that's the opening movement.

I'll leave the specifics there. The page publishes a concept and a structure; it does not publish a service list, and I'm not going to write one for it. What happens in any given session is the woman's call, always, and anybody who tells you otherwise from the outside is guessing at your expense.

What I'd book

Not advice, just the arithmetic followed to its end.

First visit, in or near Gotanda. The 90-minute course, on the phone, with the new-customer coupon, designating. ¥22,000 all-in — course, entry, and nomination, with the fees erased. Say 「ヘブン見た」 when they pick up and ask for the ご新規 coupon by name. It's ¥1,100 better than the web-booking course the shop puts in larger type, and it's the lowest all-in cost per minute a new customer can reach anywhere on this board at ¥244.4 a minute. The 75 is ¥18,700 and a little cheaper in absolute terms, but per minute it's worse, and the shop's own FAQ points at the 90 for once with the numbers behind it.

Coming back. The 90, free select, ¥19,800 — ¥220 a minute, the best rate in the building. If it matters to you who walks in, the same 90 designated is ¥24,200, and you should know you're paying ¥4,400 for that choice rather than the ¥2,200 the fee list implies.

Going long. Don't, unless the continuity is the point. Every rung above 90 minutes is worse per minute than the one below it, and two 90-minute visits beat one 180 on price even after nominating twice. If you're in the free zone, split. If you're out in the ¥6,600 ring, the second car fare cancels the saving and the long session wins — the transport band, not the clock, decides.

Ordering to the outer ring. ¥6,600 is 22.5 minutes of session. If you have any flexibility about where you are, moving toward Gotanda before you dial is worth more per hour than most jobs.

Caveats, as always

Every figure above is what the CityHeaven page published on 12 September 2026, tax-inclusive, transcribed and then checked by subtraction. Price boards move, coupon windows close — the free-select coupon's published dates were a two-day window when I read it — and any shop's fine print is the shop's to change without telling me. The comparison between the web-booking course and the new-customer coupon rests on the assumption that the web course doesn't silently bundle the fees; the page doesn't say either way, and it's a question worth asking on the call. The one place I'd push back on the page itself is the coverage story: a header that says one ward, a table that prices sixteen, and an FAQ that promises twenty-three-plus cannot all be right, and the seven northern wards missing from the table are the ones to confirm before you count on them.

Call first, confirm your zone, confirm the coupon, and confirm what your course actually includes before she's on her way. This is informational writing for adults; use it to ask better questions, not to skip asking them.